wakey wakey hands off snakey
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
