what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
