His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
