I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
