Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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