In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
