we're chasing vodka with high fives
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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