He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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