weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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