I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
