LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize