My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
