where am i from again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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