This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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