I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ugly people sure do ruin things
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
