do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
