I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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