I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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