Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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