Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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