hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
