grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
