my mouth tastes like poor choices
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
