OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
