i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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