too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
