Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
