I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize