hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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