Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
