Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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