I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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