What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
