we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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