jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
