My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
