I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just invented taco cereal.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
