I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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