the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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