Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
