how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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