ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
