Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
