The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
