So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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