So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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