She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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