I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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