sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
