Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
