where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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