I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
