why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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