After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
