Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
