there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
