You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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