Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
