can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
