there's paper in my vomit.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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