my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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