Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
