Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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