We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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