Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
