I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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