So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
