I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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