i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
