We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
