They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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