This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
